A Person of Two Lives

Are you a person living two lives?

If I was a betting man I would bet at least 50% of the people reading this blog sometimes live two lives. I know that I have. Let me explain.

I accepted Jesus as my savior in 1982 at the age of 32. I attended church every week for 22 years. I did everything that the church told me to do. I was living two lives. I lived one on the day I worshipped and the other I lived on any of the other six days. You see I did everything except give up one life controlling habit. I was willing to give everything else to God except for that one thing. On the outside I looked great but inside there was a battle going on between two lives.

Then one weekend I attended a men's event. It started on a Friday evening and ended Saturday afternoon. The Friday evening part of the event was inspiring. Great worship and a impactful short message that ended with the speaker challenging us to get into small groups and share what God revealed to us in the message. The message was along the lines of God knowing you even before you were born and He could use all of the events in your life in serving others. IN our small groups we were to talk about the message, share what we had experienced in our lives and then to pray for each other.

There were five guys in our group including an associate pastor from our church. I was the last to share and when I was done the associate pastor asked if he could lead a prayer over me. Of course I agreed and he began to proclaim that God was going to use my life experiences to help other men who had similar experiences or who were struggling in their spiritual walk. All the time he was praying I was saying in my mind, "No God, No!" "I don't want to get involved with the messy lives of other men and I certainly do not want them to know my messy life." After he was done praying and we headed to our bunks for some sleep.

At about 3 am woke up hearing a voice say, "Yes you will!" I sat up and looked around and all I could see were men asleep and all I heard was an occasional snore. I laid back down and within a few minutes I heard the voice again but this time a little stronger, "YES you will!" I shot up and looked around and it was then I knew that God was somehow speaking to me. I simple looked upward and replied, "Okay I will try to help other men." With that I feel right to sleep and at 7 am woke refreshed.

After breakfast we had our last session of the weekend. The message was about taking what we learned the evening before and applying it. That message ended with the speaker challenging us to gather in the same groups as the night before and this time discuss the ONE THING that was keeping us from doing what our experiences and the Holy Spirit gifted us for. He told us that ONE THING was not a lack of money, talent, education or opportunity. That ONE THING had to do with SIN.

Now I was really uneasy about getting back into that group. I wanted to head for the door. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. I knew that if I got into that group I might end up sharing my ONE THING. As I got up and began to consider how I could escape our associate pastor gentle touched my arm and asked me to sit next to him in our group. I was had! I knew that God had me right where He wanted me. For about a minute the five of us sat looking down at the floor with no one wanting to start the conversation. Then it happened. An arm shot up into the air and to my horror it was mine.

Everyone looked at me in anticipation of what I might share. I simply said my ONE THING that keeps me from being used by God was pornography. DOG! I actually shared it and I looked around to watch as jaws dropped open. Then a remarkable thing happened. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I heard the associate pastor pray for God to use my experiences, to move me out of my addiction for the benefit of other men. The other guys shared things a little less dramatic and then we broke up. That day was a life changing one but overcoming my addiction did not immediately end.

BUT I was no longer living a secret life. It was out in the open and over the next few years the pastors and men of our church encouraged me and gave me the tools to overcome my ONE THING. Like any addiction it wants to invade my mind again so I have to be involved in an accountability program that helps me stay away from porn. I use a program called Covenant Eyes and I recommend it to any man or woman who wants to keep from viewing pornography.

I encourage you to take the time and effort to seriously consider the experiences of your life and how they can be used in serving others. After doing that take the pain to admit the ONE THING you struggle with and find a person who you can trust with it and get their help in overcoming it. 

You do not have to be A Person of Two Lives!

Recommended reading:

"Character Counts" by Rod Handley

"Sex, Men and God" by Doug Weiss

Covenant Eyes