Reconciliation of Being Rubbed or Doing the Rubbing.

This was first posted at A Community Chaplain

Our local small town news paper has an article each week called "From the Pulpit". This week's message written by Pastor Erik Kingsley of the New Life Family Church was a good one about how hard it is today to do some of the things Jesus told us to do.

He shared a story about a man who recently accepted Jesus as his savior. The man told those attending: "If you see me stumbling in my Christian walk, do me a favor...Instead of talking about me, come talk to me." Pastor Erik goes on to add, "It's good Biblical protocol. Unfortunately, it's getting more and more difficult to put into practice every single day."

He went on to talk about how blogs, email, Facebook, Twitter, text messaging, etc. has made it acceptable to talk about people in a fictional sense. Talking about them instead of talking to them.

I must admit that what I write about here are real experiences suffered at the hands of real people. I share those events that either I have done or that others have done to me or to others. I do not share names of people involved or the locations the events took place because that is not what is important. What is important is the event itself and the results of it on the lives of people involved. If by chance someone thinks they know who I am talking about then they themselves are guilty of placing the event with a person and it is either based on something they think they know or some actual knowledge.

In Pastor Erik's article he references Jesus words found in  Matthew 18: 15 "And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. Verse 16 says this: "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed." Verse 17: "And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church: and if he refuses to listen to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax gather."

Unfortunately every now and then I have experienced going to someone and they did not listen but instead pointed the matter back at me. The times I have gone to a leader, especially a Christian leader, and shared with them something I felt they did and they did not listen to what I shared and instead told me how it must be my problem they dug the wound a little deeper.

The truth is not listening is a very human thing that we all do. We do not want to hear something about behavior or attitudes that we have that have wounded other people. 

I will close this post talking about Reacting and Responding. When someone actually does what Matthew 18 says and shares with us something we have done we either react or respond to what is said.  Reacting comes from not hearing the words but hearing the criticism. Responding comes from hearing the words and considering that they might be true or maybe partly true with a little of old wounds having been rubbed. 

It might be good to let the person say what they wanted to share and instead of replying to it at the moment ask the person if you could meet with them again in a day or two. Then take the next few days to pray about what our part is in the situation and what wounds the other person might have that we have reopened. In Matthew 5: 23-24 Jesus said this: "If therefore, you are presenting your offering at the alter, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the alter, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering."

In both of these passages Jesus is pointing out that the most important thing is that an attempt is made to reconcile. What we often do is either not hear someone's complaint against us or we cover up what we have done.

Here at REAL Men RoCK I write about those experiences either I or someone else has had without sharing who caused them or in what city they took place. I do so because they happen in every city, small town, in every business, every church and every organization. Who and where is not important. What is important is sharing ideas for solving what took place.

If you are reading this and you are applying it to someone right now then you need to either practice Matthew 18: 15 or Matthew 5: 23-24. The sad thing is many Christians who know and quote these scriptures do not always practice them.

Imagine for a moment if we did. The results from practicing Matthew 5: 23-24 and Matthew 18: 15 would be many lost relationships would be regained because reconciliation would have been attempted. As Christians we have a responsiblity even if we have been hurt to attempt to reconcile with the other person and if we don't we share in the guilt of not seeking reconciliation.