Working on the Dream

Not too long ago my wife, Kat, and I began to work on a dream that we and another couple have. You can read about the dream at The Restoration Farm blog. Kat and I have decided to take part of our retirement and sell our house and invest in this dream.

Lately I have been struggling with part of making the dream work. Old insecurities are surfacing that bother me. I am trying to discover the root of what I am feeling and so far I am not sure why I am struggling. Let me just state that these insecurities involve finances.

The last couple of weeks Kat and I have looked at several pieces of property that looked good to us but we did not get that feeling of this is it!

We have faith that God is going to lead us to the right property but we must put our faith into action by going out to look. I heard once from a friend that Faith was best spelled RISK. I have added to that by stating that Risk is best spelled WORK. I believe I reveal my Faith by the Risk I take in performing Work. My works do not save me but instead they flow out of me because I am saved.

I have heard people say that they have faith that God will deliver them but their actions did not necessarily show it. It is very true that we are saved by grace and as a result of our faith in Jesus Christ. It is also true that our faith is revealed in our works or good deeds. So faith without action is a useless faith.

James 2: 14-17 Dear friends, do you think you'll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?

I believe that the idea behind The Restoration Farm is something God has stirred in us. I have faith that He will guide us through the process. He will IF and there is always an IF. He will if we will use the resources that He has given us to make it happen.

The Restoration Farm is both a money making and non-profit adventure. We will grow crops organically and in hoop houses and make a profit. We will also fund what I call The Restoration Center, which is a couple of small cottages and a center for Christian servants who need to be restored can come to free of charge. These servants could be pastors, missionaries, lay leaders. They could be hurt or have fallen in service. It will be a place where can spend some time recovering and begin the process of restoration, which God loves to do.

If you have a dream that God has placed in your heart take a moment and visit and then have faith by risking to work it out. Faith is not found in playing it safe by not taking action.

Please visit The Restoration Farm and follow our journey. Hopefully each week I will have something new to share.

Are You a Minister of Reconciliation?

In 2 Corinthians 5: 18 we are told this by Paul: All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.

Let's look deeper at this passage by looking at it in relationship to the verses before and after it and then apply it to our lives.

10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.  11 Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade men, but we are made manifest to God; and I hope that we are made manifest also in your consciences. 12 We are not again commending ourselves to you but are giving you an occasion to be proud of us, so that you will have an answer for those who take pride in appearance and not in heart. 13 For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you.  14 For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; 15 and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf. 16 Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. 17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

We are told that we are to be new creatures once we accept Jesus as our savior. That does not mean we instantly overcome all of our hurts, wounds and sins but it does mean we are actively working on them. 

We are told that we become ministers of reconciliation. Which means we are to take the risk of reconciling with people who are honestly seeking our forgiveness and who are pursuing reconciliation with us. It is a risk because it means we open ourselves up to being hurt again by trusting someone who hurt us before. 

If you have felt the sting of having another person break your trust you no doubt have a wound in your spirit from the experience. If that person comes to you and apologizes and wants to reconcile you have the obligation to take the risk to at least begin the process of reconciliation.

You have the right to evaluate the intentions of the other person and stop the process if they appear to not be honest in their intentions. You do not have the right to ignore them as they reach out to you.

If Jesus is your savior He has reconciled you to God and by doing so has made you a minister of reconciliation to others. Failure to respond to another person's cry for reconciliation becomes a roadblock to your blessings that result from reconciliation.

I encourage you to consider the request for reconciliation from a person who has hurt. Pray about it. Seek counseling about it. But do not ignore the person's cry. You harm not only the other person by yourself and the blessings God has in store for you when you reconcile.

If you are a pastor and you are not reaching out to someone who has hurt you and seeking reconciliation then you are missing an opportunity to show the church this passage in action. As leaders we are to model the Bible not just teach it.

I will be honest with you about what stirred this post. I broke the trust of another person. The Holy Spirit convicted me of my actions and I have apologized not only to the person but to others who might have been harmed. I have offered to meet and talk and rebuild our relationship. Notice I did not say rebuild trust because I know that is harder to do. I have received no response from this individual except for them to remind me of my sin. 

In my blog I write about my experiences and the wounds I have. I have been wounded by leaders who fail to be leaders. I have been wounded by men who say one thing to the church but live a different way. Ignoring my cry for reconciliation by a man who is suppose to be a leader only reinforces the experiences I have had with leaders. Many years ago I told my brother I would never lead people in the way that those past leaders led me. This experience only reinforces that pledge.

I hope this touches both those who have been offended and those who have offended. Do not put off doing what the Holy Spirit through Paul instructed us to do. Be a minister of reconciliation.

Offended and Offending

I am going to share an experience I have recently had. I will try to make it as anonymous as possible but if you are close to the situation you will know what I am talking about. If you do know about the situation then you just might be the one to be able to point out error to the party in the wrong.

Let me begin by asking a couple of questions.

1. Have you ever been hurt by someone?

2. Have you ever hurt someone?

To be honest I have experienced both and within the recent year. What should you do when you are hurt by someone? In Matthew 18: 15-20 we are told by Jesus: "If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love. 

"Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there."

And in Matthew 5: 23-24 Jesus tells us: "This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God."

I believe from these two scriptures we can get the picture that Jesus takes offending and being offended by someone very seriously. In both cases He tells the offender and the offended to seek out the other person.

Sometimes we come to a crossroad and we have to choose which way to go. One turn leads to being controlled by the other person and the other turn leads to me being released to move forward. We may have apologized for our behavior and we have explained to the other person how they have hurt us. Their response in both cases might not be favorable. That is why we stand at a cross road.

We have to understand part of the reason they refuse to acknowledge us has to do with their own insecurities and fears. 

It is my belief that once we have forgiven the offending party healing can begin in our lives and in the lives of others. I believe God wants us to be healed of the wounds that we have caused and that have been done to us. I base this on  2 Corinthians 5: 19 "namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation."

My question for you today is: "What offenses do you need to release others from or do you need to be released from?" I encourage you to drop what you are doing and find that person you have offended and seek forgiveness or seek out that person who has offended you and gently point out how they have hurt you. Then lay whatever it is at the feet of Jesus and get up and walk away from it leaving it with Him.

Believe!

I know very few of the people who read this blog but I do know that every now and then someone who reads this blog is struggling with life issues that overwhelms them. With this post I want to encourage you to click the song below and sit with your eyes closed and listen to the words. Let God speak to you and let His Holy Spirit wrap His arms around you.

I believe someone needs to hear this song.

Now here are the words and I suggest you sing along with Matt and feel the Holy Spirit as He comforts you.

Come to me now
And lay Your hands over me
Will You find me tonight
Say it will be alright
And I will believe

Broken in two
I know You’re on to me
That I only come home
When I’m so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything I gonna be
The way you think it ought to be
It seems like everytime I try and make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly You won’t give up on me
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me Your face tonight
I know it’s true
No one heals me like You
And You hold the key

Never again will I turn away from You
I’m so heavy tonight
But Your love is alright
And I do believe

I believe God just healed someone today.

Its Not About Us!

   Several years ago I went through some training in Theophostic Ministry. Theo which means God and Phos which means light is a divinely powerful and thoroughly biblical approach in ministry. Emotionally hurting people from all walks of life, with all manner of emotional woundedness have experienced accelerated healing as truth replaces lies, freeing them from life long emotional pain. 

   What I like about this ministry is the fact that it relies entirely on the Holy Spirit revealing the lies that caused the woundedness and revealing the truth that replaces the lie thus leading to healing of the wound.

   To be honest I only went through the beginning training of this ministry and used the technique only once but with amazing results. With this post I want to share that experience. One day I received a call from a friend who had a friend who they knew was wounded and controlled by something from the past. I called the person (Art - not his real name) and arranged to meet with them. I also called a friend of mine (Zach - not his real name) who I was going through the Vineyard Leadership Institute classes with. Zach had hot gone through the training but I needed someone to take notes during the session which we would give to Art and also to witness whatever took place.

   The evening of the session I dropped by Zach's house and on the drive over to the house we were going to meet in I filled him in on what to expect. When we walked into the house and met Art we were sort of taken back because he was wheelchair bounded, bent over and barely looked at us. Zach had met Art before at the place Art worked but I had not met Art although I had seen him from a distance once or twice.

   The following is how the session went.

   The three of us sat facing each other. I began by telling Art that this would be a simple session and that I expected that the Holy Spirit would reveal truth and begin the process of healing.

   My first question was: "Art what brings us together this evening?" "Why are we here?"

Art responded that he wanted to find out why he seemed angry most of the time.

   My next question was: "Are you willing to turn over to God whatever we discover and let Him carry it?" Art answered hesitantly, yes.

   I explained to Art that what we would do three things: 1. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the source of his anger, 2. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal truth and 3. Ask the Holy Spirit to begin healing the wound.

   Then I asked Art and Zach to bow their heads as I prayed. My prayer went something like this: "Father, we come before you to ask you to reveal to Art the root of his anger. In Jesus name amen" I then just let Art hear from the Holy Spirit and after about five minutes Art asked if he could speak and I said yes. He bent his head to one side looking at us and said he knew exactly when he first got angry and what the source of his anger is. He then shared that with us.

   After he was done I asked him if he was willing to give that day over to God and forgive the person who caused him the wound? He answered yes.

   I asked him to bow his head and I said this prayer, "Father, we asked you to take this off of Art's shoulders and reveal to him the truth. In Jesus name amen."

   I again sat there silently letting the Holy Spirit speak to Art. This time the answer came almost immediately. Art began to weap and Zach and I were stunned as he straightened up in his wheelchair and looked us straight in the eyes and told us that the Holy Spirit revealed how much the Father loves him just as he is.

   Except for some passing comments that was our session. Today Art is still bound to a wheelchair but he sits up straighter and looks people in the eyes. He still gets angry at times but not like he use to and he has found purpose in the life that he has.

   Here is what I learned from this event:

   1. Bringing healing into another's life is not about me, it is about the Holy Spirit being involved          in their life.

   2. I do not reveal truth to others, the Holy Spirit does.

   3. We do not have to live by the lies that others have planted in our lives and if we are willing to        turn them over to God He will remove them from us.

   Are you being held captive by lies others have told you?

   Are you wounded from the events in your life?

   Would you like to be set free and have those lies replaced with the truth?

   If so the Holy Spirit is waiting to get involved with you and replace those lies with the truth and heal your wounds. Here is the good news: "It is not about you or some specialist working it out." It is all about God. He reveals the source of your woundedness, He reveals truth to you and He brings the healing. 

   God often uses another person in this process but He is not required to do that. The reason He uses other people is for relationships to be built. Although He already knows your wound the beginning of the process is to share it with Him. He will then either lead you to the person He wants you to build a relationship with or He will begin the process of healing. 

   It is all about God not us! 

Watch Your Heart

In my earlier writings I wrote about my mom leaving when I was about 3 years old, I wrote about the negative impact two teachers had on me and I wrote about being molested by a homosexual. Those were real events that left negative scars on my life. But I do not have to allow them to control my life and make me who I am.

With this post I want to begin to share the men and women who have had a postive impact on my life. Sometimes we allow the negative experiences we have had control us. Most of us, if we are honest, allow the wounds of our lives control us or we allow the actions of others to reopen our scars. Instead of calling on the Holy Spirit to heal the reopening of these wounds we allow the pains of the past to impact our lives again and we react in defense.

I want to share some positive things that happened in my early life that I believe should overshadow the negative. After my mom left my dad, Charles, still had to travel because of his job but now he took us with him. He and his two brothers owned Clark Construction Company which mainly laid water and sewer lines. I remember dad would take me to the construction sites with him and the men who worked for him would rub my head and in a loving way tease me. These men were strong, rough, firm but comapssionate men. These memories are postive and are the ones I should be pulling from instead of the ones that created wounds in my life.

Proverbs 4: 23 Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts.

Our reaction or response to negative or preceived negative events in our lives begins in our heart. The negative and positive events of our life reside in our heart and we either choose to react from the negative or respond from the positive. When faced with negative actions of others I can either choose to allow the old wounds to be reopened or I can choose to call upon the Holy Spirit to protect my wounds. If I allow old wounds to be reopened I will react in a negative way to the person but if I allow the Holy Spirit to protect the wounds I will respond to the person with grace.

I encourage you to check your heart today for wounds that have not been healed and that still control how you are impacted by the actions of others. If you discover a wound share it with someone and seek the healing that only God can provide.

What is required for you to experience healing?

I believe that God heals today and that He can do it in a dramtic way or He can do it through the hands of a doctor.  Several elements need to be in place for healing to occur and we find them in the following scriptures.

Luke 5:17-26 (The Message)

 17 One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and religion teachers were sitting around. They had come from nearly every village in Galilee and Judea, even as far away as Jerusalem, to be there. The healing power of God was on him. 

 18-20 Some men arrived carrying a paraplegic on a stretcher. They were looking for a way to get into the house and set him before Jesus. When they couldn't find a way in because of the crowd, they went up on the roof, removed some tiles, and let him down in the middle of everyone, right in front of Jesus. Impressed by their bold belief, he said, "Friend, I forgive your sins." 

 21 That set the religion scholars and Pharisees buzzing. "Who does he think he is? That's blasphemous talk! God and only God can forgive sins." 

 22-26 Jesus knew exactly what they were thinking and said, "Why all this gossipy whispering? Which is simpler: to say 'I forgive your sins,' or to say 'Get up and start walking'? Well, just so it's clear that I'm the Son of Man and authorized to do either, or both. . . ." He now spoke directly to the paraplegic: "Get up. Take your bedroll and go home." Without a moment's hesitation, he did it—got up, took his blanket, and left for home, giving glory to God all the way. The people rubbed their eyes, incredulous—and then also gave glory to God. Awestruck, they said, "We've never seen anything like that!"

The first element that has to be present is the power of God to be on a person who is going to be the instrument that God uses.

The second element is faith that God is going to heal us.

The third is we have to act.

Sometimes the faith is ours and sometimes the faith is found in our friends who are praying for us but it always is found in Jesus.  Often people will sit back and wait to see the results of the prayers of others.  They wait and wait hoping to receive healing.  

Here is what I suggest: If we are physical or emotionally sick we need our friends to do what these guys in these scriptures did.  They need to slip before God and seek healing for us especially when we lack faith or the ability to go before God with them.  We then need to act on what was requested and thank God for what He is going to do.

In this story the Holy Spirit was on Jesus for healing to take place.  We also find a group of men who believed that their friend would be healed by Jesus.  They would not be denied getting their friend in front of the one God was using for healing.  The man on the mat was lowered in front of Jesus and it must have been somewhat uncomfortable with all of the people focusing on his paralyzed body.  He probably heard the whispering that was going on and the looks the Pharisees and teachers were giving Jesus.  And then he heard Jesus say, "Rise and take up your mat and go home."  He no doubt was momentarily stuned but then he moved and stood.

Healing often does not come until we take action.  Waiting can be an act of unbelief and actually delay our healing.  We have to take action with thanksgiving for what God is doing before we realize that He healed us.

So my challenge for you with this post is to take your emotional, your physical and spiritual wounds before God and lay them at His feet.  If you lack the faith to do that then get your friends to do it with you.  Then accept God's healing by acting as if it were so and then tahnk Him for it.  Your healing may not happen immediately but I doubt it will happen if you wait for it to happen.

A baby cried

Last night as I was doing my job I heard a baby cry. I came around the corner and there was a baby of about 4 months old crying for whatever reason babies cry. A while later I was in another area of the building and I heard what I thoughts was the same baby crying and I peeked around the display to find a different baby. Same cry, different baby, one was a white baby and the other Indian.

I instantly thought about Matthew 18: 1-6
At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And He called a child to Himself and set him before them and said, "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever them humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck, and that he be drowned in the depth of the sea."

I would imagine that God looks at the human condition hearing the cries of mankind just as the parents of the babies I observed last night. Each was trying to comfort their crying baby. Around the world mankind is crying out for healing for their ailments. That healing and comfort will not come from another man.

There is only one way to enter the Kingdom of God and receive healing for what ails us. John 14: 6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father, but through Me."

We are all crying the same cry and there is one who hears and who will solve all of our problems. For now we can find temporary answers in the Word of God called the Bible.

Think about this the next time you hear a baby cry and thank God for His unfailing love for all of mankind.

Don't Give Up and Give In

James 1: 12 Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.

I once heard that it isn't important what happens to us but what happens in us when things happen to us.

For years I reacted to the circumstances that life brought my way which almost always placed me in an even more challenging position. I was either running away from relationships or failing in them.

When I became a Christian in 1982 after 32 years of running and failing I began to place trust in God to move me forward in life. I slowly began to grow up in the faith of Jesus. I spent 17 years growing but never getting beyond my past failures. In 1999 at the age of 49 I began to attend the Vineyard Church in Overland Park, Kansas. I discovered a relationship with my savior and a deeper involvement with the Holy Spirit. Over the past 10 years I have received healing for all of my wounds and failures.

Today's sermon by Mark Warner based on James 1: 12-16 brought it home for me. I no longer always give up and give in. I encourage you to visit the Vineyard Church sermon page and listen to this sermon.

I believe Nick Vujicic is a great example of what it is like to be a possessor of the faith and not a professor of the faith.

The words of Winston Churchill are a perfect way to end this post.

"Never Give In"
"This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

—HarrowSchool, 29 October 1941. It is commonly believed that Churchill stood up, gave the three-word speech, "Never give in!," and sat down. This is incorrect, as is the suggestion, variously reported, that the speech occurred at Oxfordor Cambridge. It was on his first visit to his old school, Harrow, where he would continue to return for the annual "Songs," making his last appearance in 1961.

4 steps to improving your marriage

As I drove to our quarterly men's breakfast at Vineyard Church in Overland Park my mind was racing with thoughts of ways I had let my wife down, of how I have not achieved what most would call the American dream and I was weighed down with some fear of any discussion we might have after my friend, Steve, had finished what he was going to share with us.

My wife, Kat, and I have been married for 22 years and the failings I have had are long. She has been faithful and forgiving all through our marriage. I will confess some of my failings here and I say some because the list is so long.

For most of my life I have struggled with intimacy and I have hid my dreams, desires and struggles from her.

For several years in our marriage I struggled with sexual purity and found myself attracted to pornography.

For the last 5 years I have struggled with career issues. In 2003 I was part of a one person reduction in force and struck out on my own. Since then I have struggled with finding permanent employment and have had to settle for temporary work situations.

Steve covered each of these subjects in his talk and I found hope, real hope from what he shared.
He shared what has changed his life, improved all areas of his marriage and spiritual life.

His first point or step was about gaining sexual purity in his life. He used the following scripture:

1 Corinthians 6:18 (The Message)

16-20 There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

1 Corinthians 7 To Be Married, to Be Single . . .

1 Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? 2-6 Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.

His second point or step was based on:

Matthew 18:18-20 (The Message)

18-20"Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there."

Steve talked of praying with his wife and how that dramatically changed his life. This step made it possible for him to do the first step. Sexual purity has everything to do with having physical and spiritual intimacy with one's wife.

Steve's third point or step was to find a man who would be your encouragement coach based on:

Hebrews 3:13 (New American Standard Bible)

13 But ^(A)encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the ^(B)deceitfulness of sin.

Have you noticed how often men are beat up on by advertisements and some groups? Men need to be encouraged or they will escape into dark places to medicate their wounds.

Steve's fourth point or step was based on:

James 5:16 (The Message)

16-18 Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. Elijah, for instance, human just like us, prayed hard that it wouldn't rain, and it didn't—not a drop for three and a half years. Then he prayed that it would rain, and it did. The showers came and everything started growing again.

For many men this is one of the most difficult things to do because they are going to take the risk of trusting someone with their shame and guilt. I believe that shame is placed on us by the fallen angels and keeps us enslaved to our sin and guilt is stirred in us by Christ's kingness and moves us to repentance by bringing our dark areas into the light.

Once you have found that man who you can trust make it a point to confess your sin. By doing so you will find healing for the wounds you have received through your life. Healing will lead you to wanting to reach out to other men and help them achieve the same blessings.

Steve mentioned a couple of books that can help you in your struggle to be intimate with your wife and in overcoming those things that keep you from achieving it.

Sex, Men & God by Dr. Doug Weiss

Listening for Heaven's Sake by David Ping and Gary Sweeten

Are you struggling with purity issues and a lack of intimacy with your wife? Do you have a hunger for encouragement and a need to confess? The solution to those needs is found in the four steps Steve talked about. Will things change instantly? Maybe, but if they don't I encourage you to not to give up. Keep getting up and take another step closer to the goal. As Steve said once you have achieved these 4 steps your marriage, your sex life, your ability to be intimate and your spiritual life will be the best you have ever experienced. Then you will find yourself like Steve and have a desire to be on a mission of helping other men experience the hope of real freedom.

I hope you will take the risk and leave a comment.

What you hold onto keeps you captive.

For years I held onto and hid the pain of my mom leaving when I was young, the shame of having had and somewhat enjoying a same sex experience and that a man feels when going through a divorce.

I believe that holding onto these things and not sharing them with anyone kept me bound to feelings of abandonment, shame and worthlessness. When these feelings began to press in on me I escaped for a while into using pot but I did not like taking smoke into my lungs. Then I discovered the one thing that I could escape to that was fun, made me feel great and was something I could keep secret, pornography.

What is keeping you captive? Is it a drive for more material things? Is it a fear of failure? Is it wounds of childhood? Is it wrongs done to you by others? Is it a drug, alcohol or sex?

I do not believe it is wrong to pursue your dreams that result in more possessions if your motive is to bring glory to God through your accomplishments. I do not believe sex is wrong if it is within the boundaries of a marriage between a man and a woman. What is wrong is using anything but the love of God to medicate our feelings.

You can find freedom from your captivity. I believe you can find freedom by just following three simple but difficult steps. These steps came from a sermon, "Insiders Guide to Overcoming Failure" given Mark Warner at the Vineyard Church in Overland Park, KS (click the title of this post to go to Vineyard site).

Step 1 - Admit you have a problem.
For us men this step is probably the hardest to do. There are two individuals we must share the problem with. One already knows about it and the other we will have to find. God already knows about our problem and how we got there and if we will admit it to Him He will help us find the other person who we will share it with. God has made us for relationships but our experiences keep us from trusting others with our feelings and what we are going through. I heard it described best by a Quixtar speaker: "A man is like an M-1 tank. He is almost indestructible on the outside by very delicate on the inside". "If he opens the hatch to his inside and is betrayed he will batten-down the hatch and not allow another in".

I encourage you to share your problem with God and ask Him to guide you in finding another guy to develop a relationship with and when the time is right trust him with what your problem is. Now do the unthinkable admit you are powerless over your problem and ask God and your friend to hold you accountable to achieving victory over it.

Step 2 - Cry out ot God for healing for your wounds and deliverance from your problem.
James 5: 14-15 Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven—healed inside and out.

Step 3 - Affirm God's kind intervention in your life.
Romans 2: 4 Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance? If you are facing a problem that just seems too large, if you are sick and tired of going through the same actions with no results and if you want more of the Holy Spirit moving through your life I encourage you to take the above three steps. Take the risk and see what God does in your life. There are men out there who God has shaped for service to men like us.

A great resource for protecting yourself from visiting inappropriate internet sites is Covenant Eyes (see link at right of page). If you need an accountability partner through CE then email me and we can make that happen.

I look forward to your comments.