So now what do you do with the pain?
Here are a few suggestions:
1. You could do as a recent country song sings about, pray for the person. Pray that they have a flat tire while on the way to an important meeting. Pray that their dreams become a reality for someone else. Pray that they get what they deserve. OR
2. You could say you forgive them but then refuse to meet with them because they haven't built trust with you again. OR
3. You could do what Jesus did as He hung on the cross. It is found in Luke 23 verse 34 Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them; they don't know what they're doing."
I was convicted today by the sermon given by David Andersen at Vineyard Church in Overland Park, KS. and it is what has inspired this post. Some of the material comes from, "Total Forgiveness" by R.T. Kendall
In today's sermon David spoke about our enemies in life. Those we chose to have and those who chose to have us as an enemy. In both cases we can choose to do what Jesus taught in Matthew 5: 43-48 "You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
48"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."
First, we have to establish some ground rules:
Forgiveness is not:
1. Approval of what they did.
2. Excusing what they did.
3. Justifying what they did.
4. Pardoning what they did.
5. Reconciliation. Although this is something that in most cases should take place.
6. Denying what they did.
7. Blindness to what they did.
8. Forgetting what they did.
9. Refusing to take what they did seriously.
10. Pretending that we are not hurt.
Nothing will be achieved by doing the above. The wounds of being hurt will still be there and each time you see, think about or hear about the person those wounds will reopen.
From "Total Forgiveness"
"Just as God forgives people without approving of their sin, we also must learn that forgiving people does not imply an endorsement of their evil deeds.
"Totally Forgiving someone is a choice. It is not a feeling--but is rather an act of the will."
"Relinquishing bitterness is an open invitation for the Holy Spirit to give you His peace, His joy and the knowledge of His will"
Total Forgiveness involves an element beyond just saying we forgive the other person: it involves praying for God's blessings to rain on the lives of your offender."
Finally RT Kendall says, "Totally forgiving another person is an achievable act. It can be done, and it is something you and I must keep doing."
So you have been hurt! Someone reading this has had people betray them, some have had people who misused or abused them, someone may have been raped, and I could go on and on.
The wounds you have and the pain you feel are very real. The actions taken against you were wrong.
So what do you do with the pain? How do you heal the wound? How do you trust again?
There is only one way to not be under the control of what someone else has done to you and that is lay it at the feet of Jesus and let Him handle any punishment that should be handed out. Then get up and ask the Holy Spirit to come and comfort you in the pain and to heal your wound. Once you do this you will no longer be controlled by the actions of someone else. Then do the radical thing and ask God to rain down His blessings on the person.
Earlier I mentioned that in most cases we should seek reconciliation. I do not recommend that in cases of rape, murder or any other violent actions against you or anyone close to you. But in cases that do not involve violence it may be very appropriate and pleasing to God for us to accept the other person's invitation to reconcile. That does not mean we will be best buddies with them but it does mean we will work side by side in the name of Jesus Christ in Kingdom work.
So you have been hurt! Now what are you going to do about it?
Here is the truth: "No matter what you decide God is going to love you and the other party."
