Why REAL Men RoCK

REAL Men RoCK is a website that approaches the various life situations and habits that often men face. It covers these events with honesty but without being judgemental. I have faced these events myself and I know that approaching men who are struggling with life controlling habits or who have suffered some form of trauma do not need to be preached at.

What men need is for a man or men to rally around them and give them encouragement and support. They do not need it forced on them but to know that they have someone available when they are ready to talk.

REAL Men RoCK = R ighteous E ncouraging A ccountable L oving Men R ely on C hrist's

K indness

Here is what that means:
1. No one and I mean no one can be righteous on their own. If any person, including pastors, tell you they are righteous they are wrong! Righteousness comes from a friendship with God.
2. Men need other men who encourage them even when they mess up.
3. All men, even pastors, need to have someone who will hold them accountable. Accountable to their dreams, their goals, to battling their problems and even sins. That by the way is done through encouragement not condemnation.
4. Men need to know it is okay to be loving and to love other men.
5. Men need to be allowed to be men.
6. Men need to know they can rely on other men but most of all they need to know they can rely on Jesus who is the Christ.
7. Men need to know that it is not by their efforts that they achieve these things it is a direct result of the kindness of Jesus.

REAL Men RoCK is not only a Blog but a small group where men can be themselves but are Moving Forward to become the men God wants them to be. Some will move faster than others but all will move without being forced or condemned. For some RMR is a stepping stone to a group that holds a stronger view. For some men they need to move in steps.

God rarely does things instantly but usually works through that dreaded thing called relationships.

If you would like more information or need prayer check out the older articles I have written and leave an Anonymous post on the one that speaks to you.

Keep in mind I do not have all of the answers but I will take the time to find you an answer from research he does in the Bible or at other websites. I will be honest, frank but I will not through bull shit at you. One of the things I will not do is let you deny you have a problem. Some of the biggest deniers are called pastors. When they deny they have problems they are trying not to be brought off of the pedestal that we have placed them on.

I have been guility of using things such as pornography, pot to medicate my pain and I have battled depression along with discouragement. I have had feelings of unworthiness and fear. I still find myself battling these desires and feelings but they are struggles now instead of defeats. I am no different than you.

It is not easy to talk to someone you do not know and it is not easy to build new relationships. Trust is built not just given.

If you want to know more about Larry visit http://larry-n-clark.blogspot.com/

I hope that you will come back to RMR and read more articles and that Jesus will use one to speak to you. I do not track people who visit and never contact anyone unless they request me to.

Best regards

Larry Clark

So You Have Been Hurt!

So now what do you do with the pain?

Here are a few suggestions:
1. You could do as a recent country song sings about, pray for the person. Pray that they have a flat tire while on the way to an important meeting. Pray that their dreams become a reality for someone else. Pray that they get what they deserve. OR
2. You could say you forgive them but then refuse to meet with them because they haven't built trust with you again. OR
3. You could do what Jesus did as He hung on the cross. It is found in Luke 23 verse 34 Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them; they don't know what they're doing."
I was convicted today by the sermon given by David Andersen at Vineyard Church in Overland Park, KS. and it is what has inspired this post. Some of the material comes from, "Total Forgiveness" by R.T. Kendall
In today's sermon David spoke about our enemies in life. Those we chose to have and those who chose to have us as an enemy. In both cases we can choose to do what Jesus taught in Matthew 5: 43-48 "You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. 

 48"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."
First, we have to establish some ground rules:

Forgiveness is not:

  1. Approval of what they did.

  2. Excusing what they did.

  3. Justifying what they did.

  4. Pardoning what they did.

  5. Reconciliation. Although this is something that in most cases should take place.

  6. Denying what they did.

  7. Blindness to what they did.

  8. Forgetting what they did.

  9. Refusing to take what they did seriously.

10. Pretending that we are not hurt.

Nothing will be achieved by doing the above. The wounds of being hurt will still be there and each time you see, think about or hear about the person those wounds will reopen.

From "Total Forgiveness"

"Just as God forgives people without approving of their sin, we also must learn that forgiving people does not imply an endorsement of their evil deeds.

"Totally Forgiving someone is a choice. It is not a feeling--but is rather an act of the will."

"Relinquishing bitterness is an open invitation for the Holy Spirit to give you His peace, His joy and the knowledge of His will"

Total Forgiveness involves an element beyond just saying we forgive the other person: it involves praying for God's blessings to rain on the lives of your offender."

Finally RT Kendall says, "Totally forgiving another person is an achievable act. It can be done, and it is something you and I must keep doing."

So you have been hurt! Someone reading this has had people betray them, some have had people who misused or abused them, someone may have been raped, and I could go on and on. 

The wounds you have and the pain you feel are very real. The actions taken against you were wrong.

So what do you do with the pain? How do you heal the wound? How do you trust again? 

There is only one way to not be under the control of what someone else has done to you and that is lay it at the feet of Jesus and let Him handle any punishment that should be handed out. Then get up and ask the Holy Spirit to come and comfort you in the pain and to heal your wound. Once you do this you will no longer be controlled by the actions of someone else. Then do the radical thing and ask God to rain down His blessings on the person.

Earlier I mentioned that in most cases we should seek reconciliation. I do not recommend that in cases of rape, murder or any other violent actions against you or anyone close to you. But in cases that do not involve violence it may be very appropriate and pleasing to God for us to accept the other person's invitation to reconcile. That does not mean we will be best buddies with them but it does mean we will work side by side in the name of Jesus Christ in Kingdom work.

So you have been hurt! Now what are you going to do about it?

Here is the truth: "No matter what you decide God is going to love you and the other party."

The darkness

With this post I am going to challenge you to do something very hard and that is to forgive. All of us have been hurt by someone else and some have been hurt to the point we still suffer from it today.

It might have been a dad who was never around, a mom who controlled you, a person who stole something from you or it could be God. Actually not really God but you have blamed God for something that has happened to you.

Whether you believe in God or not the truth is a lack of forgiveness will keep you from having fullness in your life. It will always keep you from enjoying your life fully. It will always keep you from taking the risk to truly love someone else.

It will always cause you to have the darkness of sadness in your life.

I am currently reading "The Shack" by Wm. Paul Young and I want to share a couple of paragraphs with you about the darkness.

"The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets," Jesus explained. "The truth is they are more shadow than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark. When the light shines into the places they live inside you, you start to see them for what they are."

"But why do we keep all that crap inside?" Mack asked.

"Because we believe it's safer there. And, sometimes, when you're a kid trying to survive, it really is safer there. Then you grow up on the outside, but on the inside you're still that kid in the dark cave surrounded by monsters, and out of habit you keep adding to your collection. We all collect things we value, you know?"

I know that I have had darkness in my life. For example, when I was 18 a man molested me and I held that darkness inside for years and allowed it to keep me from developing deep, meaningful friendships with other men. Once I began to allow the truth in I slowly began to allow other men into my life. My first true male friend was Tom, a quadriplegic which I find humorous when I look back on it because it was a fairly safe choice since he could not use his legs or arms. I did not experience release though from the darkness until I surrendered it to God and allowed the light to penetrate my hurt and wound.

Another example is I had lived for years with the darkness I caused my son when I rejected him. When I finally surrendered my pain I caused him and me to God I was able to accept the results of my actions. I am no longer controlled by the hurt of being rejected.

You might be suffering from a wound caused by a dad who said harsh words to you, or a mom who controlled your every move or a boyfriend who left you, or a guy who raped you, or maybe someone close to you died unexpectedly and you blame God. Each of these experiences are real and they cause real pain but you do not have to continue to suffer the hurt.

You can choose to stay in the pain and suffering or choose to move out of the control of darkness and allow the light of truth to shine into that area you protect. I am not smart enough to tell you how to achieve this but I can suggest several books that helped me.

Total Forgiveness by RT Kendall
The Shack by Wm. Paul Young
The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

These books will help you begin the process of forgiving the one who has wounded you. The finishing work though will be done by you surrendering your wound to God. He through His Holy Spirit will release the hold of the darkness on your life and allow you to truly live.

One final word, if you are angry with God for something that has happened to you I must tell you that you cannot forgive Him. Only He has the power to truly forgive. Even your forgiveness of someone else comes from surrendering your anger to God and He gives you the peace that results.

Today is the day to move forward beyond the chains of your wound and begin to truly live.

My 18th year

My senior year in High School was very eventful. For the first time in my efforts at playing football I made the starting line-up. I was one of the smallest guys on our team but I played like I was much bigger. At the end of the football season my team mates choose me as one of the captains of our team.

I would have made the starting team in basketball too except I let my girlfriend talk me out of playing. She did not like the other girls cheering for me. My nickname was Co-Co, short for Clark bar, and she did not like hearing the girls cheering Co-Co or me running up into the cheerleaders area. Not that I always did that on purpose but I have to admit it was quite fun to do.

Later in the spring I did play on our golf team and we went to the state tournament and if I remember right Tom Watson of Kansas City played in that tourney. We did not place but we had lots of fun.

I was still shy but I was one of the most popular guys in our school. It seemed almost everyone knew who Larry Clark or Co-Co was. As a side note I went to my 40th school reunion and was voted the most changed person in our class. No one could put there finger on why I won that award but I believe it is because I was no longer that shy backward person they knew back then.

One spring evening my girlfriend and I were out on a date and we were laying under a tree in the park. As usual we started kissing and kind of getting out of control when I stopped and told her that I wanted to stop being sexually involved. I talked of how she could get pregnant and how that would ruin all of her plans for college and that I would leaving for the Navy soon. She started crying and asked if I still loved her. To make the story short we had sex and that night she got pregnant. That failure on my part to stand firm as a man changed our lives. She did not go to college until years later and I left soon after we got married for the Navy and Vietnam.

The next thing that year that affected my life and who I would become happened on my way to Vietnam. I had to spend one night at an Air Force base in California before I left for the Philippians. An Air Force Sargent offered to show me the town. Once in town he rented a Motel room and told me he needed to shower before we went to a local bar. After showering he sexually molested me.

I would let this one event keep me from having male friends until I broke free from that fear at age 41 and found healing for the wounds caused by it at age 52.

Guys we all have wounds resulting from others taking advantage of us or hurting us. It helps me to talk about my wounds and I encourage you to share yours here. I have the comment section set-up so you can be Anonymous. If I can help in anyway please contact me privately.

Spencer's Football Game

I went to my grandson's football game today. His team was 7-0 and this was their last game of the year.

In between playing with my other three grandkids I watched his game. Just before half-time Spencer tried to tackle a runner and jammed his finger. At half-time Spencer's team was up 19-6 and my daughter went over to take a look at his finger. It had swollen about twice the normal size and was pretty well black and blue. The coach taped up his finger and he was back out on the field after half-time.

What does this have to do with REAL Men? It has to do with our lives. What do you do when you are hurt do you pick yourself up and get back in the game or do you moan and whine about how bad you have it?

2 Timothy 1: 7 For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.

The next time life is not going how you want it pick yourself up and remember that verse. You can either let life lead you or you can take control through the Holy Spirit and live a life of power, love and discipline.

Spencer finished the game and his team won 33-6.

What wound are you facing today and how may we pray for you?