What difference a weekend can make

In the spring of 2002 I went to a weekend conference for men. The conference began Friday evening and would conclude Saturday afternoon. I expected this to be no different than any other men's conference I had attended. I was wrong.

Have you ever been to a men's conference? I am not sure about you but my experience has been that most men who attend them talk a lot but never take action. Oh, I forgot I am one of those men.

This weekend turned out to be different. Our speaker spoke about dreams that first night and challenged us to really consider what it was God wanted us to accomplish. He asked us to think about what our life experiences were and what gifts had the Holy Spirit given us. After his talk he had us break into small groups to share what had been stirred in us by his talk.

Have you ever been in a men's small group? My experience was, not much was said and even less took place. I never experienced going deeper than "hi how are you?"

This evening turned out to be different. As we sat there looking at each other one guy in the group, Tom, asked who thinks he knows what God wants him to do? One by one we went around the group sharing what we thought God was calling us to do. When it came to me I muttered something but nothing of substance. Then Tom prayed over me. He prayed about how he knew God was calling me to work with men and to begin a small group. He prayed everything I had told God I would not do.

That night I did not sleep well and at about 3am I was awaken by someone saying, YES You Will!!. I looked around the bunk room and no one was awake. I layed back down only to hear the voice again. I knew someone was playing a trick on me so I sat up and looked around. Again no one was awake or even in the hall. This happened again and then again. Finally I said, Okay Lord if you want me to start a men's small group I will!" With those words I feel asleep.

I woke the next morning refreshed and hungry. After breakfast we headed to the conference room and heard another talk about what we were being called to do. Then he added what is the one thing that is keeping you from answering the call. He added to that this one thing was not a lack of money or talent or resources. He wanted us to break into our same small group and share what was the one sin that kept us from pursuing and achieving our calling.

A lot of men swallowed hard at that. Me I wanted to find a hole and hide. I found myself sitting with the same men from the night before and all of us just looking at each other waiting for someone to say something.

We sat there for about 5 minutes when suddenly my hand went up. I was stunned because I had no intention of sharing anything. Tom turned and asked, "What is it Larry?" I then shared how the one thing that was keeping me from pursuing and achieving the calling God had for me was I was hung up on pornography. I watched as four men's jaws dropped open. Tom smiled and asked if he could pray for me.

The other men did not share anything deep like me and I honestly thought about not showing up at church again because of the shame I felt. Tom praying for me helped change those feelings from shame to guilt. That is the day I discovered that shame is from Satan and makes you want to hide and guilt is from God which moves you to repent.

That weekend I began the process of finding healing and moving beyond addiction. I did not have the program such as Dr. Doug Weiss' Heart to Heart Counseling or the small groups now available at the Vineyard Church I attend so I struggled by myself until I found a man willing to be my accountability partner. I owe a lot to my friend, Gregg, and later to my friend, Doug.

What is God calling you to do? What is that one thing that is keeping you from pursuing achieivng your calling?

Don't let shame keep you from moving forward but let guilt move you to repentance. There are resources that will help no matter what you are dealing with. If you want help this is the first place to start. Leave a comment confessing your sin, email me and I will get you the resources to help move forward and find a trusted friend you can share and be held accountable to. We can with the help of the Holy Spirit and a friend overcome any sin!