What happened then could make me who I am today

All of the events of my youth have had a direct impact on who I am today but I do not have to allow those events to control who I am to be.

For years I did not realize how much my mom abandoning me when I was 2 1/2 affected me and shaped my attitude towards women. Oh, I was a good husband, always coming home after a hard day's work, avoiding cheating and a good father. But... I was missing something. I did not know how to share my feelings or be intimate. Guys intimate is different than being sexual. I had no problem with sex but I just did not know how to share anything deeper than a grunt.

My first two marriages ended after 6 years not because I did something wrong but because I failed to give them what they needed, my heart. When I got married to my current wife, Kat, I began the process of changing that but it took me several years to move beyond the wounds of my mom leaving.

For years I allowed the actions of two teachers keep me from excelling. I knew that if I achieved success I would have to stand in front of people and the thought kept bringing back my 2nd and 5th grade experiences. I just could not risk having people laugh at me. When I was 38 I decided that I needed to change this so I joined some other men in a spokesman club. I spent 8 years learning how to write and give speeches. Today I still feel fear when I speak in front of people but I use that fear to do the best I can with what I have.

For years the sexual molesting I experienced by a man who I was suppose to trust when I was 18 kept me from developing friendships with other men. Later as a father I let this experience affect my relationship with my son when he shared with me that he was homosexual.

When I was 38 I decided to allow a guy into my life. Tom was pretty safe he was a quadriplegic so he could not molest me. Then a couple of years later I allowed Jim into my life. When I was 52 I decided to begin a men's small group and what I thought would be a low key group ended up with two homosexual and a transgender men in the group. It was a real struggle for me not to allow my past experience to control my relationship with these men. Thank God He delivered me from the fears and anger I had towards them.

Today I am still trying to building my relationship with my son but he is being held back by his hatred and anger at me for my actions.

Here is the bottom line guys. We all have experienced things that shape our attitudes and beliefs. We can either choose to allow those things to make us who we are or we can take control of them and turn them over to God and let Him make us who He wants us to be.

My brother is a artist and my son a graphic designer. I am a pot and like one of my brother's paintings or my sons creations as God shapes me into a more perfect vessel.

What is God doing in you? What is keeping you from doing the ministry He has called you to do?

I encourage you to share it here and then leave it here. Let God replace it with more of what He has for you.