Betrayal - Two Lessons

Pastor Erik Kingsley of New Life Church in Louisburg, KS gave a series of messages on "Betrayal" and in the final sermon he shared his own experience of being betrayed.  I came away with a couple of thoughts that I would like to share today.  I hope you will be stirred to take action to either approach the one who betrayed you or approach the one you have betrayed.

First I was stirred to write in my notes "Don't Wait! Do it Now!!"  In Matthew 18: 15-17 "If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love. 

 18-20 "Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there."

If we have been betrayed by someone we can either choose to let it simmer and burn us or we can do the spiritually mature things and go to that person and sit down with them and explain how they have hurt us.  I will be the first to admit I sometimes just let things simmer until I am burned by a desire for revenge.  I know the root of why I do this and it grows from the times people I have gone to do not hear what I am saying and turn what I am sharing around on me.  I walk away feeling even more hurt and new wounds are ripped in my heart.  My fear keeps me from doing the spiritually mature thing and risk speaking the truth in love.  We need to use the Holy Spirit to overcome our fear and go to the one who has hurt us and be honest and share with love our hurt.

 

My final word on this part of the post is be willing to walk away content that you have done what the Lord wants you to do even if they do not listen.  Once you have shared leave your hurt and do not allow the other person to add to it if they do not listen.  If the one you are sharing with is a Christian and they do not listen to you then you have the obligation to share the matter with the church.

 

My other thought can be summed up in "Betrayal leads to lack of trust".  When someone betrays us we are less willing to trust someone else with our dreams and into our lives.  I will use an example from my own life.  When I was 18 years old and on my way to Vietnam I had to stop at an Air Force base for an overnight stay.  A Sergeant invited me to go into town with him and I was glad to hang with him.  He ended up betraying me by sexually molesting me.  That event caused me to not trust men and I did not overcome that until I was in my forties when the Holy Spirit showed me that there were men I could trust. 

 

If you have been betrayed by someone I encourage you to risk sharing with them how they made you feel but do so willing to leave your wound behind even if they do not listen to you.  If you cannot go to the person do not let your feelings simmer and turn into bitterness (which is sin) but go before Jesus and lay it at His feet.  Once you lay it down, get up and walk away leaving it there.

 

If you have been betrayed and are having a hard time trysting other people then I encourage you to go before God and ask Him to give you the Grace to overcome the wounds that keep you from trusting others.  If you stay in your lack of trust you will never grow in your spiritual life or your ministry.  I found that I could not minister when I did not trust others.  

I also found that I could minister if I knew of incidents where I had betrayed someone and had not repented of it.  In Matthew 5: 23-24 we are told by Jesus "If therefore you are presenting your offering at the alter, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the alter, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering."

 

If you have a story about "Betrayal" please share it.  Lay it down before God here by writing it out and then hitting the Publish Your Comment button.  Then turn in your chair and walk away from it knowing God will give you the Grace to heal your wounds.  

 

God desires for you to be healed of all of your wounds but you have to trust Him with them.

What happened then could make me who I am today

All of the events of my youth have had a direct impact on who I am today but I do not have to allow those events to control who I am to be.

For years I did not realize how much my mom abandoning me when I was 2 1/2 affected me and shaped my attitude towards women. Oh, I was a good husband, always coming home after a hard day's work, avoiding cheating and a good father. But... I was missing something. I did not know how to share my feelings or be intimate. Guys intimate is different than being sexual. I had no problem with sex but I just did not know how to share anything deeper than a grunt.

My first two marriages ended after 6 years not because I did something wrong but because I failed to give them what they needed, my heart. When I got married to my current wife, Kat, I began the process of changing that but it took me several years to move beyond the wounds of my mom leaving.

For years I allowed the actions of two teachers keep me from excelling. I knew that if I achieved success I would have to stand in front of people and the thought kept bringing back my 2nd and 5th grade experiences. I just could not risk having people laugh at me. When I was 38 I decided that I needed to change this so I joined some other men in a spokesman club. I spent 8 years learning how to write and give speeches. Today I still feel fear when I speak in front of people but I use that fear to do the best I can with what I have.

For years the sexual molesting I experienced by a man who I was suppose to trust when I was 18 kept me from developing friendships with other men. Later as a father I let this experience affect my relationship with my son when he shared with me that he was homosexual.

When I was 38 I decided to allow a guy into my life. Tom was pretty safe he was a quadriplegic so he could not molest me. Then a couple of years later I allowed Jim into my life. When I was 52 I decided to begin a men's small group and what I thought would be a low key group ended up with two homosexual and a transgender men in the group. It was a real struggle for me not to allow my past experience to control my relationship with these men. Thank God He delivered me from the fears and anger I had towards them.

Today I am still trying to building my relationship with my son but he is being held back by his hatred and anger at me for my actions.

Here is the bottom line guys. We all have experienced things that shape our attitudes and beliefs. We can either choose to allow those things to make us who we are or we can take control of them and turn them over to God and let Him make us who He wants us to be.

My brother is a artist and my son a graphic designer. I am a pot and like one of my brother's paintings or my sons creations as God shapes me into a more perfect vessel.

What is God doing in you? What is keeping you from doing the ministry He has called you to do?

I encourage you to share it here and then leave it here. Let God replace it with more of what He has for you.