All of the events of my youth have had a direct impact on who I am today but I do not have to allow those events to control who I am to be.
For years I did not realize how much my mom abandoning me when I was 2 1/2 affected me and shaped my attitude towards women. Oh, I was a good husband, always coming home after a hard day's work, avoiding cheating and a good father. But... I was missing something. I did not know how to share my feelings or be intimate. Guys intimate is different than being sexual. I had no problem with sex but I just did not know how to share anything deeper than a grunt.
My first two marriages ended after 6 years not because I did something wrong but because I failed to give them what they needed, my heart. When I got married to my current wife, Kat, I began the process of changing that but it took me several years to move beyond the wounds of my mom leaving.
For years I allowed the actions of two teachers keep me from excelling. I knew that if I achieved success I would have to stand in front of people and the thought kept bringing back my 2nd and 5th grade experiences. I just could not risk having people laugh at me. When I was 38 I decided that I needed to change this so I joined some other men in a spokesman club. I spent 8 years learning how to write and give speeches. Today I still feel fear when I speak in front of people but I use that fear to do the best I can with what I have.
For years the sexual molesting I experienced by a man who I was suppose to trust when I was 18 kept me from developing friendships with other men. Later as a father I let this experience affect my relationship with my son when he shared with me that he was homosexual.
When I was 38 I decided to allow a guy into my life. Tom was pretty safe he was a quadriplegic so he could not molest me. Then a couple of years later I allowed Jim into my life. When I was 52 I decided to begin a men's small group and what I thought would be a low key group ended up with two homosexual and a transgender men in the group. It was a real struggle for me not to allow my past experience to control my relationship with these men. Thank God He delivered me from the fears and anger I had towards them.
Today I am still trying to building my relationship with my son but he is being held back by his hatred and anger at me for my actions.
Here is the bottom line guys. We all have experienced things that shape our attitudes and beliefs. We can either choose to allow those things to make us who we are or we can take control of them and turn them over to God and let Him make us who He wants us to be.
My brother is a artist and my son a graphic designer. I am a pot and like one of my brother's paintings or my sons creations as God shapes me into a more perfect vessel.
What is God doing in you? What is keeping you from doing the ministry He has called you to do?
I encourage you to share it here and then leave it here. Let God replace it with more of what He has for you.
REAL Men RoCK is a blog for men and women about the issues men face. REAL Men RoCK = R ighteous, E ncouraging, A ccountable, L oving Men R ely on C hrist's K indness
Showing posts with label experiences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label experiences. Show all posts
Monday, November 3, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
How my first 6 years affected who I am
I remember that after my mom left I was focused on being around my dad. I remember him taking me to job sites and how I was fascinated by the big trackhoes, called steam shovels then, and the events such as blasting the rock so the trackhoe could dig a ditch. I remember the men who worked for my dad. Men like Clayton who would call me Larrie. Rough men who worked hard but who had big hearts for a little guy like me.
I remember a baby sitter who also cleaned our trailer house telling me on Friday afternoon not to play in the sandbox over the weekend. Being the little rebel I was I would jump into the sandbox as soon as she left when my dad got home. Beginning about noon on Sunday I began to regret that I had enjoyed the sandbox my dad had made for me because I knew what would happen Monday morning.
Monday morning the sitter would arrive and as soon as dad left for work she would head straight for me because there was sand on the floor. She would take me and sit me on the couch and scold me for playing in the sandbox and then take clothes pins and place them on my ears, fingers and nose. I can still feel the pain of those pins pinching my ear lobes.
One Monday morning I remember sitting there with the pins on when my dad walked back into the trailer. My dad did not ask a question he just fired the woman told her to get out and took me with him to work after he dropped my sister with a woman he had met at a local diner.
Later that woman who watched my sister would become our new mom.
It would be years before I would realize the impact on my life until after I had suffered two divorces and several encounters with women who I used for my own pleasure.
I married early and within four weeks after getting married I headed off to the US Navy. My first wife divorced me after 6 years of marriage. In between my first marriage and my second marriage I would seek women who were easy to get into bed, spend a few days enjoying them and then walking away without any regard for their feelings. After spending a few years in a pot haze I remarried cleaned up my life. My second wife divorced me after six years of marriage.
During both of these marriages I was a good husband, one who worked hard, did not run around, hardly ever went out with the guys and always spent time with my wife and children. In some ways I was the ideal husband and father. I believe the reason both women divorced me was I had no clue how to relate to a woman.
During the early years of my life I was focused on my dad because my mom was not around so I related to women like I would a man. There are some other events in my childhood that also fed into shaping how I related to women.
Guys each of you have experienced things in your early life that have shaped who you are. These events, the good and bad, have helped shape us. They do not define us unless we allow them to but they do shape the person we have become. We can take these experiences and use them to make us a better man.
I encourage you to share your experiences here for the benefit of other men.
I remember a baby sitter who also cleaned our trailer house telling me on Friday afternoon not to play in the sandbox over the weekend. Being the little rebel I was I would jump into the sandbox as soon as she left when my dad got home. Beginning about noon on Sunday I began to regret that I had enjoyed the sandbox my dad had made for me because I knew what would happen Monday morning.
Monday morning the sitter would arrive and as soon as dad left for work she would head straight for me because there was sand on the floor. She would take me and sit me on the couch and scold me for playing in the sandbox and then take clothes pins and place them on my ears, fingers and nose. I can still feel the pain of those pins pinching my ear lobes.
One Monday morning I remember sitting there with the pins on when my dad walked back into the trailer. My dad did not ask a question he just fired the woman told her to get out and took me with him to work after he dropped my sister with a woman he had met at a local diner.
Later that woman who watched my sister would become our new mom.
It would be years before I would realize the impact on my life until after I had suffered two divorces and several encounters with women who I used for my own pleasure.
I married early and within four weeks after getting married I headed off to the US Navy. My first wife divorced me after 6 years of marriage. In between my first marriage and my second marriage I would seek women who were easy to get into bed, spend a few days enjoying them and then walking away without any regard for their feelings. After spending a few years in a pot haze I remarried cleaned up my life. My second wife divorced me after six years of marriage.
During both of these marriages I was a good husband, one who worked hard, did not run around, hardly ever went out with the guys and always spent time with my wife and children. In some ways I was the ideal husband and father. I believe the reason both women divorced me was I had no clue how to relate to a woman.
During the early years of my life I was focused on my dad because my mom was not around so I related to women like I would a man. There are some other events in my childhood that also fed into shaping how I related to women.
Guys each of you have experienced things in your early life that have shaped who you are. These events, the good and bad, have helped shape us. They do not define us unless we allow them to but they do shape the person we have become. We can take these experiences and use them to make us a better man.
I encourage you to share your experiences here for the benefit of other men.
Friday, October 31, 2008
My story - the first six years
Sharing my story will help you to understand why I post what I do at this blog.
I was born in Eldon, MO. My dad, Charles, was 35 and I believe my mom was in her early 20s when I was born. I was the second child of three they were to have. My brother, Charles, was about 4 when I was born and my sister, Peggy, was born when I was about 2.
Our dad owned a construction company with his two brothers and his job was to travel to job sites and run the crews. On one of his out of town trips when I was 2 1/2 years old my mom ran away with another man. She left my sister and me in the care of our brother who was 7 at the time. For several days he took care of us. Our Aunt discovered us alone and contacted our dad.
For the next year and half Peggy and I traveled with dad while Charles remained in Eldon attending the school. When I was about 6 dad remarried.
It would be years before I would realize that my mom leaving and dad remarrying were dramatic events that would shape my life as an adult.
We all have stories to share. Some are fun, some adventurous, some sad and some actually kind of boring but all tell something about how we became who we are. I will share the rest of my story in future posts.
I hope you will share a part of your story here so that we can all benefit from what you have experienced.
I was born in Eldon, MO. My dad, Charles, was 35 and I believe my mom was in her early 20s when I was born. I was the second child of three they were to have. My brother, Charles, was about 4 when I was born and my sister, Peggy, was born when I was about 2.
Our dad owned a construction company with his two brothers and his job was to travel to job sites and run the crews. On one of his out of town trips when I was 2 1/2 years old my mom ran away with another man. She left my sister and me in the care of our brother who was 7 at the time. For several days he took care of us. Our Aunt discovered us alone and contacted our dad.
For the next year and half Peggy and I traveled with dad while Charles remained in Eldon attending the school. When I was about 6 dad remarried.
It would be years before I would realize that my mom leaving and dad remarrying were dramatic events that would shape my life as an adult.
We all have stories to share. Some are fun, some adventurous, some sad and some actually kind of boring but all tell something about how we became who we are. I will share the rest of my story in future posts.
I hope you will share a part of your story here so that we can all benefit from what you have experienced.
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