How my first 6 years affected who I am

I remember that after my mom left I was focused on being around my dad. I remember him taking me to job sites and how I was fascinated by the big trackhoes, called steam shovels then, and the events such as blasting the rock so the trackhoe could dig a ditch. I remember the men who worked for my dad. Men like Clayton who would call me Larrie. Rough men who worked hard but who had big hearts for a little guy like me.

I remember a baby sitter who also cleaned our trailer house telling me on Friday afternoon not to play in the sandbox over the weekend. Being the little rebel I was I would jump into the sandbox as soon as she left when my dad got home. Beginning about noon on Sunday I began to regret that I had enjoyed the sandbox my dad had made for me because I knew what would happen Monday morning.

Monday morning the sitter would arrive and as soon as dad left for work she would head straight for me because there was sand on the floor. She would take me and sit me on the couch and scold me for playing in the sandbox and then take clothes pins and place them on my ears, fingers and nose. I can still feel the pain of those pins pinching my ear lobes.

One Monday morning I remember sitting there with the pins on when my dad walked back into the trailer. My dad did not ask a question he just fired the woman told her to get out and took me with him to work after he dropped my sister with a woman he had met at a local diner.

Later that woman who watched my sister would become our new mom.

It would be years before I would realize the impact on my life until after I had suffered two divorces and several encounters with women who I used for my own pleasure.

I married early and within four weeks after getting married I headed off to the US Navy. My first wife divorced me after 6 years of marriage. In between my first marriage and my second marriage I would seek women who were easy to get into bed, spend a few days enjoying them and then walking away without any regard for their feelings. After spending a few years in a pot haze I remarried cleaned up my life. My second wife divorced me after six years of marriage.

During both of these marriages I was a good husband, one who worked hard, did not run around, hardly ever went out with the guys and always spent time with my wife and children. In some ways I was the ideal husband and father. I believe the reason both women divorced me was I had no clue how to relate to a woman.

During the early years of my life I was focused on my dad because my mom was not around so I related to women like I would a man. There are some other events in my childhood that also fed into shaping how I related to women.

Guys each of you have experienced things in your early life that have shaped who you are. These events, the good and bad, have helped shape us. They do not define us unless we allow them to but they do shape the person we have become. We can take these experiences and use them to make us a better man.

I encourage you to share your experiences here for the benefit of other men.

Accountability

It has been my experience that accountability is viewed by most men as involving being judged, being shamed and being given negative consequences.

True Christian Accountability involves the following:
1. Trust - most men build trust slowly by getting to know that the other man or men will listen to him, will not judge him and care for him.
2. Relating - most men build relationships over a period of time and involves first developing trust.
3. Biblical Guidance - without looking into what the Bible says about the issues we struggle with we are only receiving human counsel.

I encourage you to seek out men who you can trust with your heart issues, who can relate to what you are experiencing and who will not give you their opinion but open their Bible and help you find the solutions for your issues from God's word.

Visit the link for more information about Christian Accountability.

For the guys who struggle with porn or visiting sites that are questionable I encourage you to get an accountability partner and consider signing up with Covenant Eyes. See link at the bottom of blog.

I would like to hear your thoughts. If you have a prayer request please leave it in the comment section.