My 18th year

My senior year in High School was very eventful. For the first time in my efforts at playing football I made the starting line-up. I was one of the smallest guys on our team but I played like I was much bigger. At the end of the football season my team mates choose me as one of the captains of our team.

I would have made the starting team in basketball too except I let my girlfriend talk me out of playing. She did not like the other girls cheering for me. My nickname was Co-Co, short for Clark bar, and she did not like hearing the girls cheering Co-Co or me running up into the cheerleaders area. Not that I always did that on purpose but I have to admit it was quite fun to do.

Later in the spring I did play on our golf team and we went to the state tournament and if I remember right Tom Watson of Kansas City played in that tourney. We did not place but we had lots of fun.

I was still shy but I was one of the most popular guys in our school. It seemed almost everyone knew who Larry Clark or Co-Co was. As a side note I went to my 40th school reunion and was voted the most changed person in our class. No one could put there finger on why I won that award but I believe it is because I was no longer that shy backward person they knew back then.

One spring evening my girlfriend and I were out on a date and we were laying under a tree in the park. As usual we started kissing and kind of getting out of control when I stopped and told her that I wanted to stop being sexually involved. I talked of how she could get pregnant and how that would ruin all of her plans for college and that I would leaving for the Navy soon. She started crying and asked if I still loved her. To make the story short we had sex and that night she got pregnant. That failure on my part to stand firm as a man changed our lives. She did not go to college until years later and I left soon after we got married for the Navy and Vietnam.

The next thing that year that affected my life and who I would become happened on my way to Vietnam. I had to spend one night at an Air Force base in California before I left for the Philippians. An Air Force Sargent offered to show me the town. Once in town he rented a Motel room and told me he needed to shower before we went to a local bar. After showering he sexually molested me.

I would let this one event keep me from having male friends until I broke free from that fear at age 41 and found healing for the wounds caused by it at age 52.

Guys we all have wounds resulting from others taking advantage of us or hurting us. It helps me to talk about my wounds and I encourage you to share yours here. I have the comment section set-up so you can be Anonymous. If I can help in anyway please contact me privately.

How my first 6 years affected who I am

I remember that after my mom left I was focused on being around my dad. I remember him taking me to job sites and how I was fascinated by the big trackhoes, called steam shovels then, and the events such as blasting the rock so the trackhoe could dig a ditch. I remember the men who worked for my dad. Men like Clayton who would call me Larrie. Rough men who worked hard but who had big hearts for a little guy like me.

I remember a baby sitter who also cleaned our trailer house telling me on Friday afternoon not to play in the sandbox over the weekend. Being the little rebel I was I would jump into the sandbox as soon as she left when my dad got home. Beginning about noon on Sunday I began to regret that I had enjoyed the sandbox my dad had made for me because I knew what would happen Monday morning.

Monday morning the sitter would arrive and as soon as dad left for work she would head straight for me because there was sand on the floor. She would take me and sit me on the couch and scold me for playing in the sandbox and then take clothes pins and place them on my ears, fingers and nose. I can still feel the pain of those pins pinching my ear lobes.

One Monday morning I remember sitting there with the pins on when my dad walked back into the trailer. My dad did not ask a question he just fired the woman told her to get out and took me with him to work after he dropped my sister with a woman he had met at a local diner.

Later that woman who watched my sister would become our new mom.

It would be years before I would realize the impact on my life until after I had suffered two divorces and several encounters with women who I used for my own pleasure.

I married early and within four weeks after getting married I headed off to the US Navy. My first wife divorced me after 6 years of marriage. In between my first marriage and my second marriage I would seek women who were easy to get into bed, spend a few days enjoying them and then walking away without any regard for their feelings. After spending a few years in a pot haze I remarried cleaned up my life. My second wife divorced me after six years of marriage.

During both of these marriages I was a good husband, one who worked hard, did not run around, hardly ever went out with the guys and always spent time with my wife and children. In some ways I was the ideal husband and father. I believe the reason both women divorced me was I had no clue how to relate to a woman.

During the early years of my life I was focused on my dad because my mom was not around so I related to women like I would a man. There are some other events in my childhood that also fed into shaping how I related to women.

Guys each of you have experienced things in your early life that have shaped who you are. These events, the good and bad, have helped shape us. They do not define us unless we allow them to but they do shape the person we have become. We can take these experiences and use them to make us a better man.

I encourage you to share your experiences here for the benefit of other men.