Welcome to REAL Men RoCK

This blog is about the issues men face and things I have experienced.

I hope you will be encouraged, challenged, and stirred to take action.

Proverbs 27:17 (The Message)

17 You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another


ighteous   E ncouraging   A ccountable   L oving 


ely on    C hrist's   K indness

Friday, October 31, 2008

My story - the first six years

Sharing my story will help you to understand why I post what I do at this blog.

I was born in Eldon, MO. My dad, Charles, was 35 and I believe my mom was in her early 20s when I was born. I was the second child of three they were to have. My brother, Charles, was about 4 when I was born and my sister, Peggy, was born when I was about 2.

Our dad owned a construction company with his two brothers and his job was to travel to job sites and run the crews. On one of his out of town trips when I was 2 1/2 years old my mom ran away with another man. She left my sister and me in the care of our brother who was 7 at the time. For several days he took care of us. Our Aunt discovered us alone and contacted our dad.

For the next year and half Peggy and I traveled with dad while Charles remained in Eldon attending the school. When I was about 6 dad remarried.

It would be years before I would realize that my mom leaving and dad remarrying were dramatic events that would shape my life as an adult.

We all have stories to share. Some are fun, some adventurous, some sad and some actually kind of boring but all tell something about how we became who we are. I will share the rest of my story in future posts.

I hope you will share a part of your story here so that we can all benefit from what you have experienced.

Thursday, October 30, 2008


It has been my experience that accountability is viewed by most men as involving being judged, being shamed and being given negative consequences.

True Christian Accountability involves the following:
1. Trust - most men build trust slowly by getting to know that the other man or men will listen to him, will not judge him and care for him.
2. Relating - most men build relationships over a period of time and involves first developing trust.
3. Biblical Guidance - without looking into what the Bible says about the issues we struggle with we are only receiving human counsel.

I encourage you to seek out men who you can trust with your heart issues, who can relate to what you are experiencing and who will not give you their opinion but open their Bible and help you find the solutions for your issues from God's word.

Visit the link for more information about Christian Accountability.

For the guys who struggle with porn or visiting sites that are questionable I encourage you to get an accountability partner and consider signing up with Covenant Eyes. See link at the bottom of blog.

I would like to hear your thoughts. If you have a prayer request please leave it in the comment section.

What will next Wednesday bring?

I received this from a friend.

Top 10 Predictions No Matter Who Wins the Presidential Election

1. The Bible will still have all of the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move in your life.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross for all who come.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him.

And the Lord God of Heaven approves this message!


If you believe and know that God is in control that should help to calm any fear you have. Remember no matter what happens next Tuesday or in the future Gos wins in the end!!

I look forward to your thoughts.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Why leave a comment on what is posted here?

Why do I want you to comment on what I post here? I have several reasons for wanting people to comment:

1. I would be lying if I did not admit that it would make me feel good to know what people think of what I post.
2. I believe that whatever you leave as a comment will benefit other people.
3. I will take to heart every comment because each comment will help me grow.
4. I will use comments to improve my posts and when shown wrong admit it and change.
5. Most importantly if I stir something in you I want to hear about it.

I am not looking for only positive remarks but honest and thoughtful correction. We men are not the best at communication and I hope that this blog will give men an outlet to express themselves openly and honestly. I ask you to comment with honesty but with respect for the thoughts of others who might read your post. You can post as Anonymous if you choose.

Proverbs 23:7 (New American Standard Bible)

7 For as he thinks within himself, so he is.
He says to you, "Eat and drink!"
But his heart is not with you.

The first part of this verse tells us that we are what we think about ourselves. This blog is for you to express how you see yourself and to find solutions to those things you want to change.

I look forward to reading your comments and growing from what you share.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Cowboy Church

Tonight my wife, Kat, and I went to a Cowboy Church meeting at the Rutlader Outpost Complex just south of Louisburg, KS. Pastor Carl Garrett gave a sermon using Mark 9 as the text.

Mark 9:20-24 (The Message)

19-20 Jesus said, "What a generation! No sense of God! How many times do I have to go over these things? How much longer do I have to put up with this? Bring the boy here." They brought him. When the demon saw Jesus, it threw the boy into a seizure, causing him to writhe on the ground and foam at the mouth.

21-22 He asked the boy's father, "How long has this been going on?"

"Ever since he was a little boy. Many times it pitches him into fire or the river to do away with him. If you can do anything, do it. Have a heart and help us!"

23 Jesus said, "If? There are no 'ifs' among believers. Anything can happen."

24 No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, "Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!"

Pastor Carl's message was about what causes us to doubt and what we can do to overcome our doubts.

I will not go through the whole sermon here but I will encourage you to consider the causes of your doubt. It could be your critics, it could be your own actions or it could be your circumstances.

Pastor Carl said we can overcome our doubts by first acknowledging that we have them, then we need to doubt our doubts and then repent and believe the Gospel.

My next few posts will focus on what Pastor Carl shared because it was a message full of hope and the purpose of this blog is to help men find hope for the issues they face.

I encourage you to share your doubts with us. My comment section does not require you to identify yourself so feel free to comment as Anonymous if you want.

Father, thank You for loving us in spite of our doubts. In the name, authority and power of Jesus amen

Why Minister to Men?

I believe there is a need for a stronger Men's Ministry presence in our churches. Let's look at some stats.

Men & Culture

Men will change jobs on an average of every 3.2 years and will have 14-16 jobs in their lifetime.

Men, primarily as fathers, are more than eight times more likely to be portrayed negatively on television than women.

Men are four times more likely to die from suicide than women. White males have the highest rate.

Men make up 93% of the present prison population.

95% of Christian men, average age of 40, state that they do not have a best friend who is a male.

There are 68,000,000 pornographic search engine requests every day – a vast majority from men. Note: This makes up 25% of all search engine requests.

Men & Church

66,000,000 men in America make no profession of faith.

6,000,000 men in America are involved in any form of discipleship.

6,000,000 women in America come to church each week without their husband.

85% of lay leadership in American churches are women.

Young men who attend church will tend to disengage from church at nine years of age.

When the church reaches the man of the home, 93% of the time the entire family will follow. This compares with 3.5% when reaching children/youth and 17% when reaching wife/mother.

Men & Family

40% of married men who attend church will get divorced.

Women initiate 66% of divorces after the age of 40.

The divorce rate for couples who pray together daily is 1 out of 1,152.

1,000,000 children in America each year will be affected by divorce.

33% of all children in America are born out of wedlock.

Men with children will talk with their child 11 days (accumulative hours) in a lifetime.

Men with children will work at their job 12 years (accumulative hours) in a lifetime.

90% of men in the church will have children who will leave the church.

I believe men are searching for leaders who will provide them with solutions to the issues they face. They will either find temporary solutions at the online porn, game, or fantasy sites or they will find other men who will point to long lasting, real solutions found in the Bible.

2 Timothy 3: 16 - 17 All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

At the bottom of this page is a link to covenant eyes. If you have a problem with visiting porn sites I encourage you to get an accountability partner and sign-up with covenant eyes.

What are your thoughts about the above information?


I woke this morning feeling frustrated. I am frustrated that I am not working in the field I have a passion for. I am frustrated that it appears many in our country are self focused instead of outward focused. I am frustrated that I have not accomplished my dream.

I feel better. Funny how just expressing my frustrations helped make things better. Here is how I should have done this.

I woke this morning feeling frustrated. I got out of bed and knelt beside my bed and I shared with my Father in Heaven how I am frustrated that I am not working in the field I have a passion for. I shared how I am frustrated that it appears many in our country are self focused instead of outward focused. I shared how I am frustrated that I have not accomplished my dream. I thanked God for listening and ended with the assurance that God is in control. I got up no longer frustrated and went to have my first cup of coffee.

What are you frustrated with? Can you trust God with your frustrations?

Matthew 21:22 (The Message)

21-22But Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Yes—and if you embrace this kingdom life and don't doubt God, you'll not only do minor feats like I did to the fig tree, but also triumph over huge obstacles. This mountain, for instance, you'll tell, 'Go jump in the lake,' and it will jump. Absolutely everything, ranging from small to large, as you make it a part of your believing prayer, gets included as you lay hold of God."

Monday, October 27, 2008

What is Racial Reconciliation?

How does Racial Reconciliation begin?
What are the responsibilities of whites and blacks in racial reconciliation?

The link to Race Matters is a good place to begin in understanding what needs to take place between whites and blacks or whites and native Americans.

I believe that it is undeniable that our country has a need for racial healing. The question for some is who needs to take the first step? If we look within the pages of the Bible I think we will find a surprising answer.

Let's first look at Matthew 5: 23 - 24 "If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way, first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering."

Most whites would say that they are not responsible for what happened during the slavery years and that is true. Although that is true it still does not heal the generational wounds that resulted from the sin of slavery. Our responsibility as whites is to acknowledge that wrongs were committed during the slavery years. The wounds caused by slavery have been passed down for generations. By seeking to reconcile with our black American brothers we can lay our offerings before God and they will be acceptable.

Now let's look at Matthew 18: 15 - 20 "And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother." Later in these verse Jesus tells us that when two or three gather together in His name, there He is also."

Most blacks would say that they are not responsible for what happened during the slavery years because they were the victims. Although that is true there are black tribes that sold other tribes to the white man and so there is some sense of responsibility on certain black tribes for slavery. The responsibility of blacks is to go to a white brother and confess their hurt and the sin that was committed against them. According to Jesus they are to seek reconciliation with the offender.

I believe three things must happen in order for reconciliation to occur. 1. A confession of sin has to take place (a taking of ownership of having caused the wound), 2. A forgiveness of sin must be given (a giving up of ownership of the wound) and 3. Freedom from sin resulting in healing must occur (a releasing of the wound to Jesus and His sacrifice covering it). The third action has to happen or steps 1 and 2 are useless.

Romans 5: 6 - 11 For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.

At the foot of the cross both whites and blacks stand equally guilty of sin and equally forgiven of those sins. There fore we as Christians we are called to a ministry of reconciliation.

Brothers we need to move from being dependent or independent to being interdependent but that cannot happen unless we practice the ministry of reconciliation.

What are your thoughts?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Spencer's Football Game

I went to my grandson's football game today. His team was 7-0 and this was their last game of the year.

In between playing with my other three grandkids I watched his game. Just before half-time Spencer tried to tackle a runner and jammed his finger. At half-time Spencer's team was up 19-6 and my daughter went over to take a look at his finger. It had swollen about twice the normal size and was pretty well black and blue. The coach taped up his finger and he was back out on the field after half-time.

What does this have to do with REAL Men? It has to do with our lives. What do you do when you are hurt do you pick yourself up and get back in the game or do you moan and whine about how bad you have it?

2 Timothy 1: 7 For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.

The next time life is not going how you want it pick yourself up and remember that verse. You can either let life lead you or you can take control through the Holy Spirit and live a life of power, love and discipline.

Spencer finished the game and his team won 33-6.

What wound are you facing today and how may we pray for you?

What type of leader are you?

Are you a leader? If you are what type of leader are you? There are several leadership styles but only two types of leaders. You either lead by telling others what to do or you lead by showing others what to do by serving them.

As I drove into Overland Park I was listening to a Talk Radio program and during the discussion the following phrase was used: "A rising tide lifts all boats" and so I decided to share it with you.

The aphorism "a rising tide lifts all boats" is associated with the idea that improvements in the general economy will benefit all participants in that economy, and that economic policy, particularly government economic policy, should therefore focus on the general macroeconomic environment first and foremost. The phrase is said to have been coined by Seán Lemass, the Irish Taoiseach (Prime Minister) in 19591966.[1] [2] Lemass himself attributed the phrase to John F. Kennedy.[3] Kennedy employed the expression to combat criticisms that his tax cuts would benefit mostly wealthy individuals.[4][5][6]

The expression also applies to free-market policies, in that comparative-advantage production and subsequent trade would theoretically increase incomes for all participating entities. It is a favorite proverb of former U.S. Treasury Secretary Robert Rubin.

I believe we can also apply this to leadership. In an environment where the leader trains, empowers and releases people to service others all involved are lifted like a boat on a tide.

Jesus gave us instructions on how to be a godly leader and we find it in Mark 10:42-45 (The Message)

41-45 When the other ten heard of this conversation, they lost their tempers with James and John. Jesus got them together to settle things down. "You've observed how godless rulers throw their weight around," he said, "and when people get a little power how quickly it goes to their heads. It's not going to be that way with you. Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave. That is what the Son of Man has done: He came to serve, not to be served—and then to give away his life in exchange for many who are held hostage."


What is a REAL Man?

He is a man who is Righteous but not of his own making, he is a man who is Encouraging, he is a man who is being held Accountable, he is a man who is loving, he is a man who knows that he cannot be any of these things unless he is Relying on Christ's Kindness.

R – Righteous – free from sin or guilt
Romans 3: 10 As the scriptures say, “No one is good – not even one.”
1 John 2: 1-2 My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if you do sin, there is someone to plead for you before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who pleases God completely. He is the sacrifice for our sins, He takes away not only our sins but the sins of all the world.

E – Encouraging – to inspire with courage, hope or spirit
Isaiah 1: 17 Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the orphan. Fight for the rights of the widows.
1 Thessalonians 4: 18 Therefore encourage each other with these words. 1 Thessalonians 5: 11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Hebrews 3: 13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

A – Accountability – capable to being held to account
Hebrews 4: 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give an account.
Romans 14: 12 So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.

L – Loving – Affection for another or being unselfish towards another
John 13: 34-35 A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
Ephesians 5: 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he does himself…
Romans 12: 9 – 10 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Matthew 25: 31 – 46

R – Relying – Having confidence in.

O – On

C – Christ’s – Jesus as King and Savior

K – Kindness – Romans 2: 4 Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?

Unless we rely on Christ’s kindness which leads us to repentance we cannot become Righteous, be truly Encouraging, be held Accountable, or show true Love.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

What do you do in troubled times?

I met with a good friend yesterday and he described some tough times he had gone through during the past year. As I sat there listening I realized how I had failed to check in with him and how if I had just called now and then he could have had a guy to walk through the valley with. My friend is a Christian man who prays but I believe God has formed us to need other men in our lives to share our burdens with.

In my earlier posts I spoke of what men are looking for in relationships and yesterday's meeting woke me to the fact that I was not living what I preached.

From the looks of the financial situation of our country there could to some tough times ahead. There are going to be men who need other guys to come along side of them for encouragement and spiritual support.

The question for us is will we be men who step up and stand in the gap for those who are in need or will we be like I have been the past 6 months or so and focused on ourselves?

My friend tried to take responsibility for not asking for help but if I had been touching base with him now and then I would have picked up the stress in his life.

What are your opinions on this topic?


Last night at our small group we talked about why more men are not involved with small groups or in deep relationships with other men.

I would be interested in hearing from men about what they are looking for in a relationship with another guy. I am also interested in hearing why you are not involved in deep relationships with other men.

Let me share my experience first. When I was 18 years old and heading for Vietnam I was sexually molested by a man and for over 20 years kept my distance from other guys.

In 2002 when I was 52 years old God began to heal that wound. He did that by having me start a small group for men. I thought I would have men attend who wanted to talk about sports or work or really deep stuff like that. What showed up were men who experienced brokenness in their life. Two homosexuals and a transgender were part of our group. We tackled deep issues and found solutions in the Bible for every issue we were facing. God used my past experiences to show how He can heal any wound.

Men this is what this blog is about. What problem, what issue, what life controlling habit do you face that you just haven't been able to shake? I believe God will provide you with the answer but not if you are tackling it by yourself. You need God's help and that is usually delivered through other men who have found healing through God's word.

Share your story and let's see how God responds.

Omaha Zoo and Grandkids

Last weekend my wife, Kat, and I took our grandkids, Dakota, Cierra and Kia to the Omaha Zoo. Just before we went into the zoo I stopped to get some treats. I picked up the regular snacks and a roll of Spree.

I always try to leave my grandkids with something for them to remember. On this trip the zoo was a big hit but a bigger hit was the Sprees. They loved the slogan listed on the package, "It's a kick in the mouth!"

The day after we got back Kia, the youngest, asked his mom for a vitamin. That is what he called the Sprees. She asked why he wanted one and he proudly said, "I want a kick in the mouth."

The Omaha Zoo is a great zoo but Sprees made a real kick the mouth impression on our grandkids.

What are men looking for?

They are looking for relationships with men who will not judge them.
They are looking for relationships with men that will allow them to be real.
They are looking for relationships with men that are safe.
They are looking for relationships with men who will encourage them.
They are looking for relationships with other men who will hold them accountable to a set of values and goals they have set.

Too often we find relationships where the other tries to manipulate or control us. They try to shape us into the man they think we should be. Well meaning men will give us advice about who we are or tell us what our dreams should be instead of listening to our hearts about the dreams we are passionate for.

I hope that here you will find men who will encourage you to reach and prepare for your dreams. Men who will encourage you to overcome those life controlling habits that keep you from achieving true success. Men who will with your permission hold you accountable for the goals you set for yourself. Men who will allow you to be real without knocking you down. Men who will lovingly point out sin or faults and encourage you as you struggle to overcome. Men who realize that when they clicked the link to this site they entered equally in need of Jesus as their Lord and King.